You’ve probably seen this directive before…

You’ve no doubt seen this before… it still makes me laugh!

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English” .

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

A plase I luv

The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

Fotograf ov an apl

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

Vaterskap

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.

Ze old bank

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

4 thoughts on “You’ve probably seen this directive before…

  1. It Latin there is no k because that sound is presented by the hard c. You don’t have a soft c because there is an s. Makes sense to me. No silent e either and no j. So these are pronounced Wholius Kayzar (Julius Caesar) and Ponteus Pilowtay(Pontius Pilote).

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